a reason to start

mercoledi, dicembre10-2008
one of my longest winter night ever in my life.

it´s 3 a.m. at the moment with a marzipan christmas stollen müller by my side and I´ve just created my blog and starting to post for the first time.

as a beginner in writing a blog I just want to take it easy with all my writings. Usually I am not the typ to write a blog,as I thought it´ll be just a waste of time. But why on earth am I writing a post now in my blog? there´s always a reason.

´´people do change.´´
agreed.In former times I liked to have all my feelings to be written in my diary (had already 2 diaries). However as I moved out from my home sweet home-mein Vaterstadt-dan tanah airku.
I couldn´t continue writing there, as I feel so much lost while writing or even just opening my diary. It´s no longer a matter of what you call home sick. There has just been a huge different in my life, so to say. I just miss lots of things. a pitty that we can not go back in time.

So it has been a year that I live abroad, in Freising, Bayern-Germany. a quiet village full of students. Freising is even not bigger than Kelapa Gading from the size and doesn´t support you with lots of entertaining facilities. Indeed it´s a suitable place to study. and the University where I study, TU München (a technical university) is similar to ITB in Indonesia. and to be spesific I am studying in Weihenstephan also part of this elite University, that famous within the Germans
to be a really difficult place to study from it´s highly pretension.

And a few hours ago, here comes again the question from a fellow student of mine that always hunted me. What can we get from this great effort while studying? It doesn´t give you any guarranty that you will achieve something greater in your life by studying here.Isn´t it better when we just take it easy? I used to believe, after making effort and trying so hard I could achieve the best in my life scenario. But here where people come and go, I can also see students that even not bother themselfs to go to lectures but still make it all in exams. The fact that as a foreigner is that you can not understand it perfectly (max is 50%) even if you keep attending every lectures.

It bothers me more and more. Maybe better to just take the most of time to learn by myself? Though for the time being I can not go on with my learning. For past weeks I can't concentrate more. In an extreme way to say is this trapped feelings fulling me. to live a life full of campus is now for me not lively at all. I live in a campus area. In Freising there's only this university. Every breath I take, every step I take is inside this monotonous cycle.

I just want to be gratefull but in the meantime it's difficult to think positive. Now for me I am using this media to lift me up. I am trying to feel better by letting it out. self therapy first then I am good. females are playing with their emotion.

It's now my second night (in a week) when I couldn't sleep at all. Before I can always sleep no matter what after some time. Quite an extreme in compare to previous years when I was at school. I've judged myself as a sleep-lover. Before coming here I haven't had any problem sleeping or troubles of waking from my sleep repeatedly. It's from the lack of physical activities or also this demand on me because again I just live to do my all university thing. I think I just have to find some other things to change my focus like I do with tennis or IMA (Indonesia Mental Arrithmetic) with this sempoa or Megabrain or UCV.

Normaly when this sleep problem occur, however I can still sleep after some times of waiting. But I think this sleep problem is no big deal. There's a lot of people having the same problem too. I know Mak Bandung (Granny) has it also while she is old. So it is not at all bad with this sleep problem experience I can then get myself accustom to it and see things from other side. My deepest simpathy to the one who can not get enough rest or good sleep. "Please spare some more extra time to sleep as your body need it then you can feel or imagine (It's for my whole family: Papa, Mama, Yosi and Rene.)"

Finally I could say it's my whole motive to beginn writing a blog. not interesting but crucial.